He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
