Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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