I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize