just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
