he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
