i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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