if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
