It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
