Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
