the new term for farting is butt boxing.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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