If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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