alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
