So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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