yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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