Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
