so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
