I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
