I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
