dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
