When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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