): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
