I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My boob is missing a layer of skin
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
