I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
