So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
