I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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