I am spending my child support on dildos
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
