My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
