What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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