he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She just used a chaser for red wine.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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