Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
