The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
