Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize