after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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