Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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