she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
