yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
