It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
