when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
