Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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