I feel like abortions should bother me more
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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