I could have mohawked her pubes.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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