The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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