i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Michael Bay diarrhea
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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