i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
