What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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