I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
