Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
