I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
