just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
