we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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