I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
BRING THE BAGELS
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
