you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
