I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
