and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
