I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
