Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
