do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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